ADHD & Object Permanence
ADHD and Object Permanence: Out of Sight, Out of Mind (Literally)
Ever loss something that’s right there in the house? Maybe it’s your keys, a bill you meant to pay, or that half-finished project shoved in a drawer. With ADHD, this isn’t just forgetfulness, it’s a struggle with something called object permanence.
What is Object Permanence, Anyway?
Object permanence is the ability to remember that something exists even when you can’t see it. Babies develop this skill around 8 months old (which is why peekaboo is so exciting, they think you are actually gone!). But here’s the twist: for ADHDers, object permanence can get a little glitch, especially when it comes to tasks, responsibilities, or even people. If something is out of sight, it’s often completely out of mind. It’s like your brain puts it in a folder that’s hidden so deep, you forget it’s there.
How ADHD and Object Permanence Collide
This shows up in everyday life in ways that can feel frustrating or even embarrassing at times. You forget about leftovers in the fridge until they become a science experiment. You don’t see a friend for a while, and you completely forget to text back, even though you care deeply about them. Bills, to-do lists, or important emails get buried under a pile of papers (or digital tabs), and they disappear from your mind until…oops. It’s not that you don’t care. It’s that your brain loses track when things aren’t right in front of you.
Emotional Object Permanence is a Thing Too
This doesn’t just happen with things, it happens with feelings and relationships too. Ever feel like you need reassurance from someone even though they just told you they care about you? Or like you forget how loved or supported you are when you’re feeling low? That’s emotional object permanence. With ADHD, it can feel like if you can’t see or feel the love or support in that moment, it’s hard to remember it exists at all.
How to Work With It
Here’s the good news: You don’t have to beat yourself up for these brain glitches. But a few small adjustments can help bring things back into view. Visual cues are your best friend. Keep important things where you can see them be it a calendar on the wall, a to-do list on your desk, or even a sticky note on your mirror. Use reminders that actually work for you! Digital reminders, alarms, or even reoccurring check-ins with a friend can help brings things back to the surface. Keep relationships “in sight” whenever possible. Schedule regular catch-ups or send “thinking of you” texts when you do think of someone (even if it’s been awhile). Create homes for things so you are less likely to misplace them - keep your keys, wallet, or other essentials in a consistent spot.
And most importantly? Offer yourself compassion. This isn’t about being careless or disorganized, it’s about how the ADHD brain processes (or forgets to process…) what’s not immediately in front of you. If you’re ready to build systems that actually work for your brain, or just want to feel less overwhelmed by it all, therapy can help. You don’t have to figure this out alone.